OverDoz. - F$WSAD ft. Problem
I wish I could fuck, smoke weed and sleep all day
But I gotta get this money, but gotta get this money
Baby, let me get this money
It’s my current state of mind and life in a chorus. It’s easy to settle for menial pleasures today, but I will have nothing to show for it 5, 10, 20 years from now. I’d rather work to do this when I’m older… and chilling on a beach on foreign soil.
I don’t know what I’m more afraid of, my reality or my dreams. All I do know is I have a building level of anxiety that I no longer know how to address.
I think the darkest moments in my life are directly related to times I have stopped writing. Thoughts, emotions and feelings well up within me instead of being released, and they overwhelm space that is reserved for my confidence, ambition and hope. Oddly enough, and unfortunately, these dark moments coincide with successful ones in my life: when I am excelling in high school, college and now my professional career.
Should I be haunted by my past? Should I be worried about my future? Should I be doing “something” right now? Should I feel like this?
Should I feel?
During my first few years as a member of the Tumblr community, I truly felt like I was discovering myself. I was comfortable sharing my feelings like never before. I could relate my experiences with no fear or shame. I appreciated who I was for all my strengths and faults. My personal narrative was my source for social commentary: I had an opinion on everything because my thoughts, feelings and emotions mattered.
Through all of this shit, I have met people who would become business partners, friends, and even family. I have been blessed by the talent, thoughtfulness and support of young men and women that know and accept me for who I am. They have help me curate my “self,” and allowed me to do the same for them. I have memories and moments with these niggas, aspirations and plans that we will fulfill one day. And I even have a Godson now.
But the last few years have not been without disappointment, betrayal and heartbreak. I’m no stranger to pain: all my reflections and advice are rooted in it. Bonds that were broken by misinformation and miscommunication have been mended by time, and I am fortunate enough to have lost people I should have never found in the first place.
But I also lost faith in my self, and now I question my own truth and doubt my sincerity.
I hope to embrace my gift and, in time, embrace who I am once again. I’m tired of waking up at night in a cold sweat and working during the day perpetual exhaustion. I do have much to appreciate at this time in my life, but there’s still so much more to address. I want to better myself because I want to better the world… because I feel I matter again.
From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of any particular interest. But for us, it’s different. Consider again that dot. That’s here. That’s home.
On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives.
The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, ever hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, corrupt politician, every “superstar”, every “supreme leader”, every saint and sinner of our species lived there - on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena.
Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity – in all this vastness – there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
The Earth is the only world known, so far, to harbor life.
There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment, the Earth is where we make our stand. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.
Fredo Santana - Jealous ft. Kendrick Lamar
Where’s my bottle?
Money change and people change and people come
And people go and act estranged
I’m aggravated cause they hated, confirmation for success
Anticipated, I can taste it
I can chase it back down with liquor
I could drown out my sorrows
BUT. I. AIN’T. A. SORRY. ASS. NIGGA.
Get up off your ass, make yourself a hundred racks
Bitch, get up off your ass, throw it BACK. BACK. BACK.
I’m really not kidding when I call Kendrick the king. I don’t feel like anyone else in my generation can lyrically channel the pain and pride of being a young, Black man in this world. He raps what he lives… what we all live: pleasure and heartbreak, growth and loss. I’m proud that Kendrick can represent my trials and tribulations in Hip-Hop.